Dental Conspiracy!
Dentists have been warning of the adverse effects of soft drinks on people's teeth for years. The sugar and additives in cola will cause rot and strip the enamel right off your teeth, they warn. Meanwhile, doctors and dentists alike have been recommending people drink large amounts of water during the day. It's healthy, it won't damage your teeth, it's good for your body. Or so they claim.
I'm about to blow the lid off a fiendish coverup. My main concern is that the dental association may try to silence and/or discredit me. That's why I'm counting on you, my loyal readers, to spread the word far and wide across the country. The following are pictures of my nail in cola research project:
Figure 1. The nail can be seen at the bottom of the jar, resting placidly and comfortably in Pepsi Cola. Notice the clarity of the liquid.
Figure 2. The nail removed from the jar of Coca-Cola. Note the stunning cleanliness of the nail. It has been perfectly preserved; it may actually be even cleaner than when it was first placed in the cola.
Figure 3. The nail placed in water is barely visible. It appears that particles have been stripped off the surface of the nail and have settled to the bottom of the jar.
Figure 4. Here is a close-up of the nail that was in water. Three weeks had passed since it was first submerged. Note the high levels of rust (or "decay", to use the terminology of so-called dentists) on the nail's surface.
After viewing these stunning findings with my own eyes, I cannot in good faith recommend drinking water. I do however urge all of you to switch to drinking nothing but cola with every meal. For the good of your teeth. You may also want to consider switching to a different dentist, or stop going to dentists altogether. (Note: these recommendations apply only to those of you with metal teeth. More research must be carried out before coming to any conclusions about the effects of water and colas on enamel-covered teeth.)
Check back soon for the final installment of the Coke Nail experiment!
I'm about to blow the lid off a fiendish coverup. My main concern is that the dental association may try to silence and/or discredit me. That's why I'm counting on you, my loyal readers, to spread the word far and wide across the country. The following are pictures of my nail in cola research project:
Figure 1. The nail can be seen at the bottom of the jar, resting placidly and comfortably in Pepsi Cola. Notice the clarity of the liquid.
Figure 2. The nail removed from the jar of Coca-Cola. Note the stunning cleanliness of the nail. It has been perfectly preserved; it may actually be even cleaner than when it was first placed in the cola.
Figure 3. The nail placed in water is barely visible. It appears that particles have been stripped off the surface of the nail and have settled to the bottom of the jar.
Figure 4. Here is a close-up of the nail that was in water. Three weeks had passed since it was first submerged. Note the high levels of rust (or "decay", to use the terminology of so-called dentists) on the nail's surface.
After viewing these stunning findings with my own eyes, I cannot in good faith recommend drinking water. I do however urge all of you to switch to drinking nothing but cola with every meal. For the good of your teeth. You may also want to consider switching to a different dentist, or stop going to dentists altogether. (Note: these recommendations apply only to those of you with metal teeth. More research must be carried out before coming to any conclusions about the effects of water and colas on enamel-covered teeth.)
Check back soon for the final installment of the Coke Nail experiment!
posted by Evil Robot Boy at 1:03 PM
6 Comments:
RE: Assignment Cola
These findings are scandalous.
Good work, Detective.
I'm a little concerned about the preservative qualities of cola, but am encrouaged by your deduction that it could very well be the ultimate enamel prophylactic.
Please reference 'COLA-002' with your invoice.
Sincerely,
Lady Whyte
for reference:
http://www.cockeyed.com/
rebecca Y.
Which only proves that thanks to the internet it's impossible for me to have an original idea (even a mystery solving cat has been done: http://www.purrlockholmes.com/). Who cares, I have fun. Stay tuned for more revelations!
ERB,
Forgive me, but i need an explanation. What's the deal with the label in the second pic? I thought this was a family-friendly blog.
i do indeed have a metal tooth - so your findings are of great interest to me. keep up the good work.
can you tell me how magnets work? that's some freaky shit.
Robin
Sousaphone Sue: Originally that mason jar contained rooster mincemeat preserves. It was a gift from Mrs. Henderson. Since I don't eat meat I ended up using it as ski wax. It worked well for temperatures between freezing and -5 C, but otherwise it just made the skis stick to the snow too much.
Robin: Finish shining my boots and I may be able to help you.
Post a Comment
<< Home