Cream Cheese Conundrum!

Here's a scientistic research experiment from the vault. It's no secret that I like cheese. In fact, I have even invented a new category of vegetarianism to describe myself: I hereby proclaim me a Chegan! That means that except for my unabashed love of CHEese, I'm completely veGAN. It also means that occasionally I CHEat. Incidentally, I also like Montreal style bagels (I know, they have eggs in them. So sue me). And what better way to enjoy them than with some quality cream cheese?



While enjoying my cream cheese and bagel snack, I casually turned the container over in my hands. I glanced at the expiration date. And I sat bolt upright. Don't worry, dear reader, the cream cheese hadn't gone bad. What caught my eye however, was that not only was there a best before date, but it also gave the exact time of expiration, right down to the minute! Observe:



That's correct. At precisely 8:52 am on May 24, 2005, my container of Arla Herb & Spices cream cheese would supposedly spoil. Would it really happen? I was determined to find out the truth. I made sure not to eat all of the cream cheese to see what would happen at this magical minute.

Here are the results. This is a picture of the remnants of the cream cheese at 8:51 am on May 24th. Clearly the cream cheese is still quite edible. I tried it! It was delicious.



And one minute later, what do you suppose happened to the cream cheese? It went bad! Seriously horribly, inedibly bad!



It turned into a dirty gym sock! I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it with my own eyes. Now you know.

Cola Controversy. The Final Chapter.

Last time on True Not True, we revealed the truth that dentists don't want you to know. It has garnered much attention in the mainstream media, despite attempts from concerned parties to keep this story under wraps.

Today, more revelations. Findings that can only be described using four syllable words like phenomenal, or exceptional, or transcendental, or fingerlicking. These discoveries will change the way humans see the world; it may even change the world itself.

But don't let conclude that this is all mere hyperbole; we assure you all claims are justified. But perhaps we should just let the findings speak for themselves. Without further ado, here are the final conclusions of our "nail in the cola" research:















TIGGER! Did you just drink our experiment?! CRAP!